— by Diane Andreoni—
At fifty-two I met my lifelong love, Tino. We spent three years together before deciding to tie-the-knot. It’s our second (and last) marriage. He’s my “happily ever after” guy. Before meeting Tino I had a variety of dating and relationship experiences that taught me many valuable lessons about LOVE. So, I decided to share them. These six rules helped me, and perhaps they’ll help you, too.
Rule 1: Don’t blame the other person….
I’ve had my fair share of failed relationships. It’s always easier to look back and analyze them after you’ve split up versus while you’re in the throws of it. One of the common lessons I’ve learned from each is that you have to take responsibility for your own mistakes. All too often I hear people say, “I can’t believe he or she did this.” or “ “He or she was such a jerk to me.” Whatever the complaint, we’ve all said it one too many times, myself included. But, it’s not the other person’s fault; they’re just being themselves. We need to take responsibility for staying too long, accepting the other person’s bad behavior and thinking we can eventually change him or her. Not so!
Rule 2: Trust your gut….
In every tenuous relationship I’ve been in, I’ve always had this bad feeling in my stomach; like I ate some rotten food that made me feel bloated and gassy. It wasn’t life-threatening, instead it would constantly nag at me, and nag and nag, until the other person usually broke up with me or I ran far away from them. Then my stomach would feel fine, like it was thanking me for no longer feeding it junk food.
Rule 3: Listen to your friends….
Every time I’ve been with someone that made me feel crazy, my friends always stuck by me, and gently presented their own perspective of my situation. I would listen, shake my head yes and tell them I was going to do everything they told me; then I would do the opposite and wonder what went wrong. Your friends see what you can’t. Remember, love is blind and what you think may be a right action, is probably very wrong.
Rule 4: Be honest with yourself…
Ask yourself what it is you really want from a person. Make a list. Write out the top ten things that are important to you. Then pick one and focus on that. Jeez, let’s face it, no one is perfect. There is no Mr. or Mrs. Right out there just waiting for you to find them. And what about you? Why would someone care about you? Do you have your shit together? Have you cleaned up all of your past baggage? If not, then do that, instead. You have to be happy with who you are as a person before you can share your happiness with someone else. Do this and you will find the person that you deserve to be with.
Rule 5: Don’t be desperate….
LOL. This is hard for some people. We want to control every situation. And when we can’t (like getting someone to like us) we try HARDER! And that just makes them run as far away as they can. Do you want a desperate partner? No. So don’t be desperate. Respect yourself and be proud of who you are. Happiness is contagious, so be happy, really happy. Who wouldn’t want to be around positivity?
Rule 6: Be grateful…
If you follow all of the above rules, then you will find someone to share your life with. Trust me. And when you do, be grateful. Don’t blow it. Don’t think there will be someone better. There won’t be. Show your mate that you love them. Treat them with kindness. Talk to them. Share your day. We each have little stories that happen throughout our day that turn into memories; remember those moments and tell them to your partner. Turn the stupid TV off. Go for a walk. Hold each other’s hands. Kiss. Hug. Give each other the space you both need to be yourselves. Admire each other. Understand what is important — what may be to you may not be to your partner, so talk about it, and then set priorities together. There’s nothing better then feeling like the person you’re sharing your life with understands and honors your wants and needs, and vice versa. To me that is true LOVE.
love: luv (noun)—giving the last piece of cake, no matter how much you want it.